Mind is willing – body not so much….
Today I have my first day off from treatment in 22 days. For 22 days straight I have gone to the hospital and gotten vitals day after day and then been seen by a brilliant nurse practitioner who has kept track of my condition and assigned me transfusions, new drugs, and tried to remove old ones. My weight has fluctuated but I am now hovering at about 185-190 (35 pounds less than when I started this journey). I take at least 20 pills a day and sometimes have to engulf several medicines (one of which is so foul although good for my health that it made me do a “Danny Thomas” spit-take). I have a 10 minute commute to John Hopkins but I admit it is a little nerve wracking considering the impatience of Baltimore drivers (I blame that on the fact that they still haven’t won the AL East in a long time).
So as you can see it’s been up and down, which leads me to the opening for today’s entry. As evident by this entry my mind is working somewhat. For weeks this wasn’t really happening (hence the reason for the gap between Jessie’s initial entry and my first one). Now my mind is a little clearer, I just wish my body would catch up.
Currently I have about 5 minutes of walking time before I have to sit. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be able to move around but damn it is frustrating. I tried going with my mother two blocks so I could get a smoothie and some sunshine and it took me 4 stops and over 25 minutes each way. The rest of the day I was having to sleep it off because of the endeavor. I am not alone in this battle, everyday I see others in my wing dealing with the same pace trying to get their bodies a little faster while their brains are screaming “go.”
I guess my point in all of this is that I have learned is for us all to slow down and realize that sometimes in our efforts for people to be faster so that we can be faster that sometimes the mind is willing but the body/surroundings say nope.
You can look at this as a lesson of patience (hopefully) or the need for others not to stand in the way of progress. It’s all up to you.
Take care, be well, and Excelsior!
Kevin